To learn how to live in this moment, for this moment.
And to change.
And to grow.
And to let go of all of the fears that have held me back.
I'm learning not to be afraid of the unknown.

Something I heard on an AA Speaker CD.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the people I cannot change,
the courage to change the one I can
and the wisdom to know it's me.
Amen.

Angela, my former girlfriend, who passed away in 2005. She's now lives in Heaven with God and no longer needs to use a wheelchair to get around (she was born with Spinabiffida and also had Lupus, which ended her life on Earth). Now she can go anywhere she want's and no longer has to deal with the pain caused by Lupus flares (although when she's "communicating" with me, making her presence known, she's usually still in her chair, but sometimes she "stands" when she really wants to tell me something, even if just "I'm thinking of you"). I know I'll see her again someday, but for now I have her Spirit to guide me.

Now that I am sober,
I feel better.
I feel anger better.
I feel rage better.
I feel grief better.
I feel sadness better.
I feel love better.
I feel joy better.
I feel empathy better.
I feel compassion better.
I feel everything better.
Today I am sober, and 
I am feeling so much better.


-David Christopher Gammon

As long as I keep my ego out of the way and not try to impose my will or opinions on other people, than I'm able to get along with them and not rub them the wrong way (by the way, this is far easier said than done; I can still by very arrogant and have been told that recently; it's good to have people in your life who call you on your stuff when your words don't fully match your actions, or if your just being a jerk because you think your more "with the program" than others).
Basically I try to stay out of everyone else's business and work on what I need to change in myself, and try to be a good example to others as opposed to saying "this is how it needs to be done, and it's the only way". While I do still have my opinions, I have to learn to yield myself to others and realize that I do not always know whats best for me, let alone anyone else.
Or for the shorter version: I can only the a messenger, but I am not The Message.

Seven Forms of Fear
by David Christopher Gammon 

Gluttony: Am I afraid of being empty?
Greed: Am I afraid of being without material resources?
Sloth: Am I afraid of hard work?
Lust: Am I afraid of not being loved?
Pride: Am I afraid of asking others for help?
Envy: Am I afraid of not being seen as an equal?
Wrath: Am I afraid of being controlled by others?

Of course, I'm using the Seven Deadly Sins as a model. I once read somewhere that Fear is the opposite of Faith, and Sin (if you use that term) is really the result of a lack of Faith in God. So The Seven Deadly Sins are really nothing more than forms of Fear.
So the real question is this: Am I afraid of God's Will?

It's been awhile since I've done a blog posting so I'll take a little time and tell everyone where I'm at.
I had to move back into the Wayne Densch Center for financial reasons a few months ago and now I'm looking for another job, since I once more find myself unemployed (this time a layoff). I'm hoping to work in film/television/video as a writer/producer,but that will come in time. I still have my poetry and work in Haiku (as well as other writing projects), and I can't let things get me down like I used to; I am learning to trust God more and more; I was not saved from drowning in the ocean just to lie down and die on the beach. There is a reason for my recovery; a reason I'm sober today, and not just sitting in a mental hospital wondering why my life isn't working.
I'm working through a lot of other personal issues as well; I'm very pleased to know that my poem "Angela", is my most read blog entry at this time; I still miss Angela very much so and wish that she had her own Zaadz/Gaia site (her family still maintains her MySpace; she is so truly loved and missed by those who knew her). I did seek professional help to help deal with her passing, and It has made such an incredible difference in my life.
I have learned so much in the past few months and would love to share it with all of you, but for now I just want to check in and let everyone know I'm alright and that I hope to get my own computer very, very soon.
Thank's and Love to you all- David Christopher Gammon

Seeing your picture
for the first time in years,
remembering how beautiful you were,
your smile,
your love for others,
your strength.
All those memories
coming back to me now.
Knowing you're gone from this world
is very hard for me.
But knowing your Spirit still lives on,
that you'll never be far,
makes all the difference in the world.
I can now say in all honesty
that I have met an angel.
(For Angela Rae Crutchfield: July 8 1981-December 18 2005)

-David Christopher Gammon

Ouch! Economic structures? Not my area of expertise.
But I do have an opinion on this matter due to some financial struggles that I am now dealing with. For me, it all boils down to old fashioned supply and demand, but there is a mental thing going on here as well.
If you start using words like "recession", then that idea will get into the minds of consumers, who in turn will start to curtail their spending, which will begin to effect businesses and cause a slow down, which will cause their spending to decrease (including labor, which results in hour decreases and even lay-offs), and then the workers will need to spend less, which will effect still more businesses, and then...welcome to a recession.
Obviously my answer is probably simplistic, but I do wonder how our economy would work if we avoided words like "recession" for the most part, and at the same time avoided trying to "get rich quick", for which we need to look no further then the 1929 Stock Market crash or, more recently, the Internet Bubble, both of which were "let's throw a lot of money into something we know little if anything about, and worry about things like business plans/models later". And then it gets to be too big and unmanageable and then...well, what goe's up must come down, often with a very loud thud (and economic ruin).
Both situations are based on fear and scarcity. One says "Oh no, someone said "recession", so I'll start spending less" and the other says "I need to get rich and make lot's of money". One is a fear of losing what you already have, the other is a fear of not getting what you want. But the key word here is this: Fear.
So whats the solution? I really don't know. Right now I'm having financial struggles myself, so I may not be the best person to talk to, but I do wish that business would pick up where I'm working right now (and actually businesses in general), so can we please stop using the word "recession" so much; it's effecting my wallet.

For me, it's focusing less and less on myself and more and more on how I can be of service to others. Of course, it's easy to say (or write) but not so easy to do.
Another way for me to "be the change" is to change the only thing that I really can change: Me. For the longest time my attitude was "if only so and so would do I wanted them to do, then things would be great" or "I'll be happy when I get this job/relationship/external thing" or "if only..if only...if only". And when things went (very) poorly in my life, I had someone to blame for my misfortune. Now I have to take responsibility for my life, and if things do happen in my life that I don't like (which has been the case lately), then I am the one who is responsible for how I react to whatever is going on (again, easy to say...). And if I try to find a solution (as opposed to focus on the problem) and keep going about my daily business (even what the numbers seem to be down) then I tend to come out better than when I would just "give up" and take the easy way out.
Another factor in my life is the one factor that I often don't even understand: God. I have no idea whatsoever how God works or who God is half the time. I do know that he is not the angry, vindictive, wrathful, psychopathic God that I used to believe in, but is in fact quite the opposite. And he isn't me, and he created the universe (somehow) and is now My Friend (and works in very subtle ways that I can't fully describe).
And trying to do God's Will has been far more helpful to me then trying to live my life by my own (very selfish) rules.
And since I am a Work-In-Progress, if you ask me this question tomorrow you might just get a different answer.